|
|
Selfish I woke up the other day and didn't recognize my reflection in the mirror. All I saw was a monster that was undeserving of anything good like food, love, or happiness. I feel so selfish...all I really care about is me...my weight, my pain, my thoughts. No wonder no one cares about me. How can they when all I seem to give a fuck about is myself. But I want them to care about me...so much I want them to care, see there I go with the selfish thing again. How did I get like this, I can't remember what life was when I didn't seem to care about how I looked or what I ate. Maybe I've just always been like this, one way or another, I don't know. I b/p'd too the other night:( My parents went to my little sister's school for open house and my mom brought me home some chicken and onion rings. I scarfed that down before heading to the freezer for some ice cream to finish it off. It felt like it took forever to get everything up, and I don't even think I did get everything up. The good news is I didn't have anything besides water, diet soda, and a glass of chocolate milk today. I love chocolate milk. I used to have a giant mug that I would put hot chocolate in and drink it with a spoon like it was soup. Unfortunately my mom broke the mug. I really should replace it one of these days. Tomorrow, well today technically, I'm going to see a new psychologist. At least I think they're a psychologist, might be a psychiatrist...I hope not though cause I really don't want to have to take meds. I don't really know what I should say to them. I used to go to one, but I never really knew what I should talk about. I really would like to stay clear of my ed, but there are so many problems I have related to it that I don't know how that's possible. Oh well, I guess I'll just see what happens.
|