I had an interesting weekend. Saturday night I got stoned with some friends and ate A LOT of gummy candy, but I still had fun. Then on Sunday I had to go to dinner at my dad's and had some steak. Monday I started a diet where I would eat one large apple a day. I did good the first two days, but I screwed up today. I had some chips and homemade salsa. I'm not sure how many calories it was, but I'm sure it was enough to gain back any weight I lost, at least it felt like it was, but then again maybe it wasn't. Maybe I really didn't eat that much, but it feels like I did.

Sometimes it amazes me how much normal peole eat. It's weird to think that one meal for them is sometimes two or more days worth of food for me. I couldn't imagine eating so much without feeling an extreme rush of guilt. Perhaps one day the guilt will go away. How sweet that would be, wouldn't it...to not feel guilty everytime I put food into my mouth or even think about eating. Maybe one day that dream will come true, but for now the guilt is still there. Hunger=Guilt and Food=Fat and Fat=Failure and Thin=Perfection.