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I Got A Job Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I finally got a job and I'm still adjusting to it. Weight wise, I've been maintaining which sucks because I am fat...fat...fat...and more fat! I'm trying my absolute hardest not to b/p, but not having the best of luck. I'm not doing it everyday, only 1-2 times a week, but for me that's still too much. And it really doesn't help that I still eat around 700-1000 calories on the days that I don't b/p, plus a couple hundered on the days that I do. Also I've been slacking off on exercise, what else is new. I've been working out a couple times a week, but I should be working out everyday. A good thing about the job, besides money, is that it keeps me moving around for a few hours, so I'm burning calories and I don't have to worry about bingeing while I'm there. What really sucked about the job though is that when I first got it I had to buy a pair of khaki pants because those are what they make everyone wear. Well anyway, when I went to go buy them I started crying in the dressing room. I tried on pants that I thought would fit only to find that they didn't. It's horrible, my fat thighs and hips are monsterously huge. It's makes me wonder if they will ever be small. I think if I get really thin all that would happen is my waist would be tiny but my thighs and hips would still be enormous...ugh. Oh yeah, the other day something my friend wrote in her deadjournal really got to me. She talked about how having a distorted body image sucks and that she thinks she's fat. Then she goes on to say that she doesn't necessarily want to lose weight, only tone up and that when she looks in the mirror she sees fat where there should be muscle. That didn't bother me too much, well accept the part of the distorted body image. It makes me want to yell her, "You don't even KNOW what a distorted body image is". What really got me though was what she wrote after that, which was that with all she said, an eating disorder seems pretty much inevitible, but not in this case. She says she knows how easy it would be to do something like that to herself, but then she says she's not going to add any more problems to the one's she already has. I'm glad that she doesn't have an ed and is most likely never going to develope one, but she makes it sound like it's a fucking choice. I fucking hate it when people think that. In my opinion you don't choose to have an ed, an ed chooses you. I don't know, personally I don't think she knows shit about ed's. After all when I told her once that I wanted to weigh 96 pounds her response was "if you weigh under 100 pounds you're anorexic" |