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Who Knows? Don't really know how I feel right now. It's like an oven in my room again. I hate this weather. I'm dehydrated, I'm always dehydrated. My mouth is so dry and I'm thirsty even though I've been drinking bottles of water like mad. I feel like drinking alcohol, but all I could get right now is sparkling wine and it would be warm which sucks. There's Jack Daniels in the kitchen but my stepdad hasn't opened it so I can't sneak any w/o him knoing and then I'd be in deep shit. I really want some too. This sucks. It's a rare thing for me to want to be older, but right now I wish I was 21. I've felt really shitty the last few days. Cut myself the other day on my ankle and my hip. Also made a small cut, well more like a scratch on my left wrist. I usually don't touch my arms because I have to work in short sleevs, but I really wanted to mark my wrist somehow. Why, I don't know, I just did. I honestly don't why I've felt so bad lately, nothing bad's really happened, well no more than usual anyway. Hopefully I'll feel better soon. I want to. I'm affraid to step on the scale. I want a good week of restricting to under 400 calories a day and daily exercise before I face my grossly fat weight. Also, I need to fucking stop b/ping or at least bingeing. Whatever, I just want to get thin, to see double digits, to have the smallest size clothing hang off of my body. Why won't this happen, why can't I do it, why am I such a failure? A fat, disgusting waste of space that nobody will miss when gone. |